Friday, February 8, 2013

Craving Balance {Frequent Frustrations}

As you know, last weekend I attended Time Out For Women. I learned SO much. I loved all of the speakers and their messages. There was one speaker though, that really touched my heart. Let me start out by telling you all a little secret....Before I became a mom I felt like I had it somewhat together. I was comfortable where I was in life. I felt like I could handle being a mom. "This is going to be a breeze!", I thought. "How hard can it be to take care of a little baby?". (Yeah, I was THAT naive.) I thought I was fairly balanced. And you know what? I was! I was balanced! It was just Jared and I. I could have the whole house cleaned and a dinner on the table in an hour! I had "me" time! I had time to read, I wrote in my journal consistently, I was a good friend, I made meals for others, etc. Then along came Gracie. I had never been happier! The first time I held her I laughed because I was so happy! She is perfect. And I love her so much! After Grace was a couple months old I kept thinking, when am I going to get back on track? I feel so off balance! And Let me tell you, I've never gotten "back on track". Whatever that is. And my life is has been CONSTANTLY off balance since.

I always thought that balance would come. And I looked around me at all of these other moms who seemed to have it all together, and I would just cry. Obviously I was doing something wrong. Why couldn't I be like those moms? Why was I so off balance all of the time? Grace is 17 months now. And I just BARELY got over the whole "On/off balance" thing. This is where Time Out For Women helped me. And let me share the little message I received.

Olivia (my little sister. Who is not so, Me, Emily Watts, My Bff Danielle, and My Bff Shalamar.

The speaker was Emily Watts. She is amazing! She graduated from the University of Utah and has been an editor for Deseret Book Company for more than 30 years. She has 5 kids and is now the senior editor for Deseret Book. She's the author of four inspirational books: Being the Mom, Take Two Chocolates and Call Me in the Morning; Confessions of an Unbalanced Woman; and I Hate it When Exercise Is the Answer. Don't all of those books sound Undone? I love it.

Anyways. She told a story of when her and her husband took a small vacation to the California Coast. One day they decided to do a "Segway Tour" along the beach with a tour guide. Now, if you don't know what a Segway is, it's a smart scooter that you stand on and when you lean forward on the balls of your feet, it moves forward. When you lean on the heels of your feet, it slows down. When you're in perfect balance, the Segway doesn't move. Here is a picture of a Segway.

The tour guide taught Emily and her husband how to use a Segway and then they proceeded up and down the coast. She said it was beautiful and calming. She did say, however, before she began the story, that she's not very coordinated. In anything. So the ending of the story was that she turned a corner on the Segway and got thrown off. Which resulted in a broken arm and a black and blue face. She showed us a picture of her broken self on the big screen. And to my surprise...she had a ginormous smile on her face. Her poor face was bruised to kingdom come and her arm was all casted and slinged. Yet. She was smiling. She related this Segway experience to life. She said that life is like a Segway. When we are pushing forward on the Segway, we are off balance. Yet, we are progessing towards something. Towards a purpose. But. When we are in perfect balance on the Segway, we are stopped. We don't move. There is no progression. If we are feeling off balance, then we are progressing! We have a purpose. We might get thrown off and broken at times, but we are progressing! If we are just in balance all the time, then what are we learning/progressing towards? I think we can all agree that we want to learn and progress and feel like we have a purpose in life. So that means taking risks. Feeling off balance. All of the time! But smiling as we go along!

That is the message that struck me SO hard. Here I was, thinking that I was accomplishing nothing. Craving that balance that I had before I was a mother. Thinking that I was a bad wife and mother. FOR 17 MONTHS!!! You guys. For 17 months I've felt this way. It's good to know now, though, that my unbalance means that I'm learning and progressing towards a better me. I am a good wife and mother. I may have a few extra baby lbs to lose. And there may or may not be gold fish crumbs all over my living room carpet. I may be off balance 24/7. But that means I'm doing something good for myself as well as others. I'm becoming a better me. Because, if it weren't for trials and hardships, then like the Segway at balance, we would be progressing towards nothing. Learning nothing. Balance= static. No progression. Off Balance= Progression. Taking risks. Being Undone. So. The bottom line is: If you feel off balance at times, or all the time. That means you are becoming a better you. This is normal. Some of us aren't as good as hiding our topsy-turvy lives. The purpose of this blog is to inspire and let you know that you're not alone. If you feel Undone at times (or all the time) thats ok! You're doing something right! Take the off balance/undone-ness and learn from it. I'm trying to live my life the best that I can. I'm gaining knowledge to pass down to Grace. And that feels good. I am a good wife, mom and human. I hope that this post has helped you feel that you aren't alone. Being alive is hard! lol! But day by day, we are learning. Progressing towards our best self. Be Off Balance! Be Undone. Be you!


Tiffany Renee said...

This is such a great message! I love it! I feel like every time something changes I keep on trying to get back to the normal I had before the change, but what really needs to be happening is a new normal. I like to think of the phrase from Meet the Robinsons and Walt Disney, "Keep moving FOWARD!!!" Thanks for this post Hai!

Shalamar said...

Love it!! I love you so much!! You're such an amazing woman! How lucky I am to have you as a bestie!!

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